Bucko: There is no denying that even if I wasn't destined to turn out as gay as I have, that I would always and eternally feel connected to the greatness that is gayness. My brother, coincidentally, is Homo Superiorious, and is also blessed with the gift of theatrical song. So to say that I have no understanding of gay icon-worthy people and their gifts is to suggest that I have had my eyes closed for the past28.5 years. And listen, sister, my eyes have been wide open!
As far as gay icons go, you have to consider a few things. First of all, someone who crosses barriers and who can impress a diverse and eclectic group of people fits the specifications of Gay Icon more than someone who has limited, specific appeal. I mean, isn't that sort of implied? But you would be surprised at the number of fags who latch on to the latest craze (read: Britney, Christina, or even Janet Jackson) and take little time to dissect the realness that is cross-cultural success! Dear Questioner, you ask if I think that Cher, Judy or Barbara is the greatest of the great Gay Icons?
And unto you I decree: Why, darling, it is Cher.
Let's take into consideration the longevity of her career. Cher has been in business, drive-through open, for 43 YEARS. Now, naturally, Barbra has been around for just a few years more AND even started her career in a gay bar, but let's focus on the greatness that is Cher, ok? In the years since Cher busted onto the scene, she has gone through transformation after transformation, ebbing and flowing with the tide and the demands of modern culture; I'm even comfortable with suggesting that she has dictated modern culture in some instances. Sure, she's had some plastic surgery and I'd even go so far as to say she's tested the limits of visual acceptability...but DUDE. This woman is a chameleon of wonder and delight. Her voice may not be asclassically trained as Barbra or Judy, but she still has universal pop appeal, and she can belt it out when she needs to! And there is little that will get gay men spinning in circles of glee than a Cher song and a strong cocktail. We might sway with nostalgia if a Judy orBarbra song happens to appear on the juke box, but there is great certainty in the spiritual and inspirational effects of a Cher song on the dance floor. And they sometimes still play her songs ON THEDANCEFLOOR. Judy and Barbra can't say as much, frankly.
You'll often catch me, especially when inebriated, mimicking Rosie O'Donnell's quasi-famous Cher impression, or even embracing the childlike glee and emphatic directness Jack McFarland took on during MANY episodes of Will & Grace when speaking of his idol. Catch me in a car with my partner when Dark Lady comes on, and I'll insist you shut your mouth and clap along with me. And if happen to be on the dance floor during one of Cher's songs, you can catch me swaying and grooving with the music, flipping my long, luscious black hair and wondering why I'm not covered in pleather and feathers. Everyone has a little Cher in their soul.
My brother hypothesized that at the convergence of my parent's marriage that it was destiny that they would spawn two children of the Gay Persuasion because, upon marrying, they each brought a copy of the album Liza with a Z. And I don't disagree! Cher, however, IS Liza's showmanship plus Barbra's sultry symphonics plus the jolly skip-along ageless appeal of Judy. Cher is everything in the world gay people aspire to be (did you notice how I didn't even need to touch on her MAGNANIMOUS MOVIE CAREER?!), and that my twinklies is why Cher is the greatest gay icon of all time.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE?
Bucko: Does the fact that I immediately thought, "Judy Garland, duh,"mean I lose any of The Gay I've caught from Bucko??
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