Sometimes you feel like a nut...

Our first question comes to us from Shayne, of NoveltyKitten and Geek Crafts, and for this we are most thankful.

Shayne asks: How come squirrels are so awesome?

Bucko: This Bucko knows there’s no shame in asking for help, so I turned to an expert. I asked my husband, Joel, mainly because he was sitting close by, but also because after a few winters of doing epic battle with the squirrels who move into our roof and basement, he is kind of an expert. His answer was that squirrels are, in fact, not awesome, due to the aforementioned takeovers of our living space.

However, I submit to you that this is part of what makes squirrels awesome. We once hired someone to try to help us with our unwanted houseguests, and he told me that the reason it’s so hard to get rid of squirrels who’ve decided to become your new roommates is not because they think your CityPaper “roommates wanted, pets acceptable” ad constitutes false advertising, but because squirrels are tribal. They belong to tight-knit family groups, and when they take over a space, they take it over for the whole gang. Once that word is out, you can try trapping them one by one, but their buddies will be coming right behind them. However, this is also what makes it easy to stay rid of them once you’re rid of them (for the record, we did a trap-and-release strategy – no squirrels were harmed in the making of this story). If a group of squirrels claim a stake in your territory, at least you’ll only have the one group to deal with. Groups of squirrels apparently know better than to throw down with each other over access to your basement.

Also, squirrels are geniuses. Not only can they peel your roof off your house and move in, costing you countless thousands of dollars, but they can trick snakes by wearing their skin, Silence of the Lambs style. In California, some squirrels decided they were totally over being eaten by rattlesnakes, and they took advantage of the snakes’ poor eyesight by rubbing themselves with shedded snakeskin. The snakes couldn’t see that the squirrels were just playing dress up, and believed them to be snakes because they smelled familiar. BRILLIANT.

Finally, if you still need evidence of the awesomeness of squirrels, I close with Exhibit C. Squirrels are just plain cute, y’all.

Bucko: Bucko! SRSLY? I can imagine squirrels running around your backyard, picnicking on roof tiles and lounging in snakeskin boots. And I can imagine your kid going BERSERK, screaming at them with one hip jutted out, "GET OFF MY LAWN YOU SQUIRRELS!"...much in the same tone she used that day when she yelled at me in the moonbounce. Heelarious.

I cannot help but sing a wacky version of the Beastie Boys' song Girls when I think of squirrels:

Squirrels - to do the dishes
Squirrels - to clean up my room
Squirrels - to do the laundry
Squirrels - and in the bathroom
Squirrels - that's all I really want is Squirrels
Two at a time - I want Squirrels
With new wave hairdos - I want Squirrels!

And I when I force myself back to being serious, I have to admit that I don't think about squirrels often unless I'm alone. Sometimes when I walk onto campus, and it's cold and quiet in the early morning, the squirrels indigenous to this University will be frolicking about. I'll talk to them, see how close I can get to them, and even giggle deviously to myself when I catch those two frisky squirrels chasing one another up and down the trees. But otherwise, squirrels don't cross my mind much.

But in the world of Bucko up there, squirrels are quite the fierceness.